| Graduate school analytical chemist | Private industry analytical chemist |
| Main goal: produce a dissertation and defend it in front of experts | Main goal: generate business through analytical services |
| The novelty of the idea sells | The utility of the idea sells |
| Go deeper into the problem to solve it as thoroughly as possible to demonstrate understanding | Go deep enough into the problem to solve it adequately and quickly to demonstrate reliable results |
| Control the system enough to see the trend and report |
Control the system thoroughly so as to have data others can rely on at any point in time, even in a court of law |
| Purchase something for $50 and wait 1 month |
Purchase the same product for $200 to get it the next day |
| YOU SPENT TOO MUCH MONEY! |
WHY DIDN'T YOU BUY 3 OF THEM?! |
| It looks like the analyte is there! | It's not there. |
| The analyte is there! | The analyte is below detection limit, so it's not there |
| The analyte is not there! | The analyte is there and you're not seeing it because your instruments are 20 years old and your lab is not standardized |
| This won't work: There's carryover! | There is carryover at 1% MDL. Still works! |
| What's a MDL? | Check the SOP. |
| What's a SOP? | One sec, I need to load samples. |
| Can I have some samples? | No but you can help me load these ones. |
| I'm going to go read research articles | I'm going to go skim research articles for numbers on detection limits and run conditions for a new method |
| I amassed a well-curated library of journal articles | I used some journal articles for that SOP |
| THAT IDEA WILL NOT WORK BECAUSE A, B, C... | Let's just run the test and see. |
| Don't necessarily do everything the PI says | Do what the boss says, even if it's wrong |
| No time do develop a method that I know works consistently | No time to play with methods that don't work consistently |
| Research then possibly development | Development then possibly research |
| Does it work at all? | Does it work consistently? |
| Talk to your PI once a week | Talk to your PM multiple times a day |
| Stick to your year(s)-long project | Get ready to change your year-long project this Monday |
| No one around you knows what they're doing (i.e. they're learning) | Everyone around you knows what they're doing (and they're learning) |
| Don't touch my fumehood! | Any of your workers could be touching your fumehood. |
| YOU DID WHAT?! | WRITE DOWN WHAT YOU DID! |
| DAMN, I FORGOT TO PREP THE STANDARD! | Here's your standard.☺ |
| PhD doesn't guarantee you a job | Industry needs more PhDs! |
| I am never doing grad school again | Should I go to graduate school? |
